Shenzhen Orphanage Visit

I have to start off by saying that this visit was one of the most emotional experiences of my life. I was scared to bring Annalise back to the Orphanage. Afraid that she would reject me and want her Nanny more. That this could be traumatic for her. My insecurities were thick and I was having trouble sleeping thinking about our visit. But there was something even stronger inside of me that made me want to make this journey back to Shenzhen Social Welfare Institute with Annalise to say goodbye. Emily the director of the California Kids Club called for a driver and CCAI arranged for a Rep that lives in Shenzhen to accompany us as the translator. (CCAI ROCKS!) In the car on the way over I had Kathy our rep explain to Annalise in Mandarin that we were going back to say goodbye to her Nannies and her friends. That she was going to leave with Mama and live with Mama forever. That I was not going to leave her. She seemed to understand.

I recognized the building from the picture once we arrived. It is a 6-story building with 2 big entrances and a meadle fence all around and bars on all he windows quite the fortress. We weren't sure how to get in. I could see the court yard though the bars where Annalise’s referral picture was taken. Once we found the right door we went to the elevator. Annalise was pointing and gesturing to the play area just outside of the elevator. She wanted to go there and play. She knew exactly where she was. We went up to the 4th floor to an office were we asked to see and have the original note that was left with Annalise. There was much discussion in Mandarin and our rep said they did not want to give it to us. Annalise was very serious at this point and so was I. Our rep pressed them and said this is the only thing this child has from her birth birthparents and it belongs to her not in your file. They made a copy and brought me the original. I did not have a pocket to put it in so I folded it up and put it in my bra as close to my heart as it coud be.

The word was out that we were there and as the note as handed to me Annalise’s Grandma from Half the Sky came running down the hall. Annalise reached out to her and they both embraced I could see love they had for each other. Her Grandma was crying we were all crying but Annalise was all smiles. We all embraced and they asked me if they could bring her to the playroom where there were many more nannies that wanted to see her. Of course I said, and they carried her up the stairs to the 5th floor where she lived for the past 2 years. Nannies took their turn tossing her into the air and giving her big kisses and hugs. I wanted to honor this time and I just checked in with her but she was so happy and having loads of fun with all the attention. You could see how much they love the children in Shenzhen. This gave me time to look around and touch and kiss as many children as I could. The first child I came across was blind. I could tell from the minute I set my eyes on him. I picked him up and held him close and spoke to him softly. He settled down and did not want me to go. I asked about a little girl that I know her family is still waiting for her and they brought her to me. She is so beautiful and was not so sure what all he commotion was all about but very happy to be apart of it. I also asked about her best friend they told me about on Gotcha Day. It was a little boy they ran off and found him and brought him in. They put both of them on the floor and they leaned over and gave each other a big kiss on the lips not just one but three. Don’t be mistaken regarding his pink shirt he is a little boy. I broke out lollypops and the children were flocked to me. I took in all their little smiles and looks for attention. I wanted to take them all home and then Will busted out with the same feeling. The Nannies crushed up lollypops and were putting them into the baby’s mouths. I made my way around the playroom that had bright colors and lots of things hanging from the walls and the ceilings. My attention was on the children and trying to touch and see as many as I could.

But it was time to have Annalise come back to me. I walked up to her and her Grandma and said it was time and she did not want to come at first and her Grandma spoke to her and told her this is your Momma and you need to go with her. She fell into my arms and berried her head into my shoulder and cried. She would not look at her Grandmother again. I walked her around the playroom one more time and we waved goodbye and she stopped crying. I asked to see her bed. It was just a few doors down the hall. When we walked in a few of the Nannies tried to take her out of my arms but I would not let them. We walked up to her crib and I waved bye-bye but she did not wave until we got to the door and then she said bye-bye and blow everyone kisses. We had a very special moment and I promised to keep in touch with her Grandmather and give her pictures just like she did for me through the 23 page Have the Sky progress notes. During our final farewell Annalise was solom she touched her Grandma’s face but did not want back in her arms she knew I was her Momma and she was suppose to be with me. I carried her down the 5 flights of stairs and held her so tight as the tears streamed down my face.

We had a few parting photos and we were back in the car off to her findings spot. On the other side of town. I did not care where it was I was going to see it for myself.